The other day, we received a reader comment that really made us pause. A reader who identified herself as Jasemine said:

“Ever since I was ditched by two friends nearly 3 years ago, I have sworn I would never have female friendships again. Their actions hurt me deeply and I have never got over it. So for me the sisterhood and all things supposedly connected to women’s friendships are a farce to me.”

We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Hurt by the betrayal of a friend or supposed friend. It’s easy to become bitter when you’ve been “ditched.” But we don’t believe swearing off female friendship is the answer. That’s why we wanted to reach out to Jasemine and let her know that the “sisterhood” is indeed real, and available to all. We hope you can help!

First of all, let’s acknowledge that it’s not a pink and perfect world out there in girlfriendland. Friendships do end, for a variety of reasons. Lives evolve, circumstances change, people move on. Sometimes girlfriends are just mean and rotten. But losing a friend (or two) does not make you “unfriendable.” Actually, the opposite is true: A friendship breakup is a great learning experience. It can show you what you don’t want in a friend, or what you can do differently next time you find a potential pal. More often than not, the problem may be about them, not about you.

“If you’re feeling angry at a girlfriend who did something that hurt you or made you lose trust, it’s important to try to figure out what happened. Did you make a poor choice? Did you become too close too soon? Did YOU do anything to provoke the breakup?” says “friendship doctor” Dr. Irene S. Levine, author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend. “Sometimes, however, the reason for the breakup is impossible to decipher. Jasemine’s friend may have had something else, entirely unrelated to the friendship, going on in her life that was simply too painful to share. If you don’t know what happened to a friendship, it’s often because there’s a missing piece of information. Try to forgive and let go of the lost friendship or else you’ll lose out in the end.”

Readers can find advice on how to make new friends in several places on this site, from the Girlfriends-in-Chief as well as some fabulous guest bloggers. But that’s not necessarily what Jasemine needs right now. Girlfriends, would you share your experiences? What does female friendship mean to you? Is “the sisterhood” a farce? Have you ever been “ditched” by a girlfriend? How did you recover? What advice do you have for Jasemine? Here’s hoping she reads your responses and gives female friendship another try.

Update! Jasemine sent us this reply:

“Thank you for taking up my comment. But the pain of being ditched still ricohets today. I was dumped by these two so called friends out of the blue. One ditched me because I feel because I was single, childless and not married. The other one just suggested we take a break from each other. I contacted the other friend to arrange a meeting up, but unfortunately I had a serious situation at work, but this person did not understand that and I tried to explain, but they just said they had made plans and the phone was put down on me. I wrote a letter trying to explain that I was sorry if she felt I let her down but to no avail. Towards the end of the year when it happened it was her way of ending the friendship. It dawned on me that I was being ditched. First shock, denial disbelief then despair, now just bitterness. So I dont like other women. Its just big one big bitchfest with women. I have had with it with female friendships. Its nice if the sisterhood works for you but for me it hasnt worked out at all. Its all just one big farce I choose to stay away from. So much for sex in the city and friends and all that, but for some of us friendship just doesnt work.” Read the rest of this entry »

As the Month of Friendship continues, today’s post reminds us of our Party for the Girls weekend in February: how restorative that time was, how easy and relaxing it was to be among girlfriends, and how we can’t wait to do it again! Girlfriend time is truly a stress-buster, as our guest blogger Debba Haupert explains.

By Debba Haupert

“I didn’t know how much I needed it until I got home,” shared my friend Colleen last week on our Saturday morning walk.

As our Month of Friendship posts continue, we’d love to remind you to plan those girls nights! We hope you’ll enjoy our contribution to this week’s celebration, below.

By Dawn Bertuca and Tina Bishop

If you’re reading this on one of the Friendship Circle blogs, then having and keeping girlfriends must be important to you. Perhaps you identified the need for new girlfriends in your life, for whatever reason, and now you’re ready to grow some new friendships. Or, you’re already blessed with good girlfriends but you’re looking for ways to renew and reinforce those female friendships. We’re here to help! In nearly five years of writing about the things girlfriends do together, we’ve learned loads about what does and doesn’t work when girlfriends get together.

On one hand, planning a successful girlfriend get-together is simple if you remember that the number-one thing that girlfriends like to do together is…you guessed it…TALK. Women crave connection. We need time to catch up on each other’s lives. We even have a physiological need to huddle together and talk, according to that now-famous UCLA study. On the other hand, it’s easy to get into a bit of a rut when it comes to girlfriend time. “Bunco” and book clubs are great excuses to get together and gab with the girls, but they sometimes turn stale. Girlfriends stop showing up, and eventually the group —and the relationships—fizzle out. So, what are the keys to making sure your girlfriend time stays fresh?

1. Understand quality time. Sandy Sheehy, author of Connecting: The Enduring Power of Women’s Friendships, says girlfriend relationships naturally strengthen if the women spend enough time together, are honest with each other, support each other equally, and each one feels she is getting something from the relationship. Does your usual girls night fit the bill? If your idea of a girls night is balancing a wine glass and a catalog in your lap while a sales representative tries to sell you candles, makeup, jewelry or kitchenware, then you might be missing the point of “quality time.” You need opportunities to truly connect with your girlfriends without the distraction of a sales pitch.

2. Make friendship a priority. If having girlfriends is important to you, make some time for it in your busy schedule. Commit to making two phone calls a week, or extending one invitation a week, or whatever you need to get the results you want. Be consistent and don’t give up. “Put it on the calendar” is our constant refrain when giving advice to women who say they don’t have enough time with their girlfriends. We’ve found that gathering monthly is about the right frequency for most girlfriend groups. Why not designate the third Thursday of the month, for example, as your “official” girlfriend time?

3. Be specific. Instead of simply suggesting to a friend that you want to get together, take the initiative and make a plan. Invite your girlfriend to a specific time and place so she has to respond. Women who are busy and stressed find it much easier to say yes to “spa party at my place, Thursday night at 7″ than “we really should get together sometime.” You can get some simple girlfriend party ideas at GirlfriendCelebrations.com, or just invite the girls to a favorite restaurant on a specific date.

4. Build in meaning. Learning more about each other is vital to strengthening your friendships. So take your girls nights beyond eating, drinking and gossiping. Experiencing something new together (like learning to bellydance, running a 5K, or volunteering at a homeless shelter) is a classic bonding technique. Or, add a brief connecting activity that helps you understand your gal pals better. It doesn’t have to be lengthy, embarrassing, or corny. We purposely include fun and easy connecting activities in nearly ALL of our girls night party plans. It takes a tiny bit of effort, but pays off in stronger friendships—and that’s definitely worth it.

5. Review the evening. After each girls night, take a few minutes to evaluate. You may want to do this on your own, or together via email. How did the girls night go? Did it meet your expectations? Did you get what you wanted out of the evening? What would have improved the experience? What could you do differently next time? Finally, don’t forget to revel in your achievement. You did it! You made your health and well-being a priority by putting your girls nights on the calendar. Happy Month of Friendship!

Dawn Williams Bertuca and Tina VanZant Bishop are Girlfriends-in-Chief at GirlfriendCelebrations.

The Friendship Circle (a network of five organizations committed to celebrating the power of female friendships) is partnering in September for a Month of Friendship. Visit these Friendship Circle websites daily in September for more inspiration and information:

• The Friendship Blog – by psychologist, professor of psychiatry, and author, Dr. Irene S. Levine (The Friendship Doctor), author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving A Breakup with Your Best Friend. Follow Irene on Twitter.
• GirlfriendCelebrations – premier source of girls night ideas on the web. Founded by friends Dawn Williams Bertuca and Tina VanZant Bishop. Girlfriend Celebrations on Facebook and Twitter
• GirlFriendCircles.com - only online community that matches new friends offline by connecting circles of women in local areas, by Shasta Nelson. OnFacebook and Twitter.
• Girlfriendology.com - online community for women based on inspiration, appreciation and celebration of female friendship. Created by Debba Haupert. On Facebook and Twitter.
• MWF Seeking BFF - chronicles the author’s search for a new best friend after moving to a new city for love, by Rachel Bertsche. Follow Rachel on Twitter.

• Read the rest of this entry »

When it comes to making a new friend, who should make the first move? According to today’s guest blogger, Rachel Bertsche of MWF Seeking BFF, YOU should. As the Month of Friendship continues, Rachel reveals how taking a risk paid off in her search for a new BFF.

By Rachel Bertsche

Today is my turn to blog for The Month of Friendship. For those of you who are new to my search, let me give you the Twitter-ized version: After two years of waiting for a local BFF to emerge in my new hometown of Chicago, I’ve decided to go out there and find her.

On Tuesday, I was reminded of exactly why I’ve been forcing myself to ask out potential friends, despite how desperate it can sometimes feel. I was at my favorite boutique, just a block away from my apartment, looking for a dress to wear to an upcoming rehearsal dinner. Well, that and I’ve been trying to befriend the manager since I moved here.

We’ve become friendly enough in the time that I’ve been frequenting her store. The weekend I went wedding dress shopping, I showed her a picture of my potential gown for an “objective” opinion. She’s told me about planning her sister’s bridal shower. She knows what clothes work best on my body and can perhaps get me a discount on said outfits. She’d most certainly fill my fashionable BFF opening.

For a while, before I threw caution to the wind and started asking every potential BFF to dinner, I was too embarrassed to invite her to hang out. What would I say? “Hello I have no friends! Will you take pity on me?” Uh, no thanks.

But now that I’ve been at this a while, I’ve gotten more comfortable in the art of the asking. Like anything, it gets exponentially easier with practice. And the breezier you are (Remember Monica on Richard’s answering machine? “I’m breezy!” I channel this often…) the less awkward the exchange. I promise!

So I went into the store in the middle of the day on Tuesday, and Manager and I were the only people there. After trying on a few dresses, I bought an adorable little black number.

“So do you work every Tuesday?” I asked her at the register.

“Yup.”

“I was wondering… I work from home on Mondays and Tuesdays, and it can get really quiet and isolating. Would you want to get lunch sometime? It’d be nice to get out of the house for a little.”

Manager was so excited. “I’d love to! I really would.” She went on to tell me that she always meets really great people at the store, but she feels like she has to wait for to other person to make the move. “Otherwise, you could be like ‘why’s the salesgirl asking me to lunch?’ It’s unprofessional.”

This had never occurred to me. She’s all 7-feet-tall and impossibly thin and pretty. The idea that maybe she wanted to be my friend too, that maybe something was holding her back never crossed my mind.

So we exchanged numbers and we’re going to have lunch. It could maybe even become a weekly-ish affair. I have a good feeling about this one.

The small-but-significant exchange was an important reminder of why, when we meet someone with BFF potential, we should just go for it. Everyone wants pals. We’re constantly worried that people will think we’re weird for making the first overture toward friendship, but more often than not the other person is flattered. Thrilled, even.

And there could be a million reasons why she hasn’t tried befriending you. Once Manager explained it to me, it made perfect sense that she’d have professional concerns about trying to befriend a customer. But I never would have thought of it on my own.

So this month, why not resolve to finally say something to the would-be friend you’ve been eyeing in yoga class/the grocery store/the office. What’s the worst that could happen? No, seriously, what?

Written by Rachel Bertsche, MWF Seeking BFF chronicles the author’s search for a new best friend after moving to a new city for love. In her engaging daily posts, Bertsche reveals anecdotes from her quest, shares resources for meeting new people, and wonders about modern-day friendship conundrums. MWF Seeking BFF the book will be published by Ballantine in early 2012. Read the rest of this entry »

Girlfriend breakups are “the dirty little secret no one talks about,” according to our girlfriend Irene Levine, author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend. And she should know. Not only has she written a thoughtful and comforting book on the subject of female friendships, she also expertly answers reader questions about friendship on The Friendship Blog. We are so pleased to feature her post here as we continue our Month of Friendship Series. We believe Irene is truly unique as both an expert and advisor on friendship.

by Irene S. Levine, PhD

Despite the romanticized myth of BFF, the hard truth is that most friendships don’t last forever. In fact, research suggests that when it comes to friendships, there’s a phenomenon somewhat akin to the seven-year itch; half of our friendships change over that time period.

Just like other life-affirming relationships that we treasure—relationships with lovers, husbands, siblings, children, and pets—our closest friendships are imperfect. Friendships are fraught with disappointments and misunderstandings—resulting in some of the highest highs and the lowest lows of our emotional lives.

Remember Anne of Green Gables, the lonely orphan who never had a bosom buddy until she met her neighbor, Diana? Anne instantly realized she had found a soulmate in Diana. But as Anne grew up and her world expanded, the foundation of her once perfect friendship with Diana collapsed, paving the way for the next phase in her life. Given all the transitions that that take place in the lives of women (moving, mating, mothering and managing careers, just to name a few), it’s not surprising that friendships fray. Anne’s story is universal; as people grow and change, their paths diverge. Friends drift apart and even kindred spirits may find themselves circling in different orbits.

The sense of trust, intimacy, energy and connection we feel with a best friend is absolutely exhilarating, but when that friendship begins to erode or drift away, the sense of unease, discomfort, or loss is palpable. So what can you do to mend a broken friendship? Here are some tips for getting over the inevitable bumps:

1. Communicate

There’s a wall of silence between you. She isn’t answering your text messages or voicemails, and is ignoring your Facebook comments. You haven’t seen each other for a week and you used to talk every day. What do you do? Summon up the courage to start a dialogue. If there’s any hope of mending the friendship, you need to find out what’s wrong and resolve it. Sending an email or snail mail (note or card) to your friend, telling her you miss her and want to talk, gives her a chance to respond without being caught off-guard.

2. Apologize

If you know it was you who said or did something wrong—or who didn’t do or say something you should have, own up to the mistake. Apologize sooner rather than later because time has a way of making little problems fester. Of course, if you have a recurrent case of foot-in-the-mouth syndrome, this isn’t going to work.

3. Forgive

Conversely, if you were the one who was wronged and the friendship is important to you, consciously decide to forgive your friend in order to save the friendship. Try to think about what happened from her perspective and accept her apology. If her behavior is consistently ambivalent and unpredictable, forgiveness may not be the right fix.

4. Take a break

You’ve approached your friend to sort out the problem and you’ve been ignored or rebuffed. Perhaps your friend needs more time to get over her anger and disappointment. Propose that you NOT see each other for two weeks or a month. Maybe you need time apart (what I call a friendship sabbatical) to realize how much you mean to each other. On the other hand, you both may breathe a sigh of relief during the trial separation.

5. Downgrade

Maybe your expectations of each other are a mismatch at this time. Perhaps, you need to establish boundaries: Tell her you need more space for yourself and more time with others. Maybe your relationship is based primarily on shared history and your lives have grown too disparate to remain besties. Gradually downgrade to a casual, once-in-a-while friendship. Make the change with grace and respect, leaving the door open for reconnecting in a different way at a different time.

Admittedly, fixing a broken friendship is never easy or simple because the rules of friendships aren’t clear. Compounding the problem, women are often embarrassed or ashamed to talk about friendship problems. If they speak to men, they’re likely to be accused of catfighting. If they speak to other women, opening up about another friend may be seen as a betrayal. As a result, friendship problems often remain the dirty little secret that nobody talks about—except on TheFriendshipBlog.com.

Created by psychologist, author, and professor of psychiatry Dr. Irene S. Levine, TheFriendshipBlog.com is the only authoritative place on the internet for women to anonymously ask and receive advice about their friendship problems and dilemmas. Writing as The Friendship Doctor, Dr. Levine is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post and Psychology Today. Her most recent book, Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend is based on an online survey of more than 1500 women (anonymous, of course).

The Friendship Circle (a network of five organizations committed to celebrating the power of female friendships) is partnering in September for a Month of Friendship. Visit these Friendship Circle websites daily in September for more inspiration and information:

• The Friendship Blog – by psychologist, professor of psychiatry, and author, Dr. Irene S. Levine (The Friendship Doctor), author ofBest Friends Forever: Surviving A Breakup with Your Best Friend. Follow Irene on Twitter.
• GirlfriendCelebrations – premier source of girls night ideas on the web. Founded by friends Dawn Williams Bertuca and Tina VanZant Bishop. Girlfriend Celebrations on Facebook and Twitter
• GirlFriendCircles.com - only online community that matches new friends offline by connecting circles of women in local areas, by Shasta Nelson. On Facebook and Twitter.
• Girlfriendology.com - online community for women based on inspiration, appreciation and celebration of female friendship. Created by Debba Haupert. On Facebook and Twitter.
• MWF Seeking BFF - chronicles the author’s search for a new best friend after moving to a new city for love, by Rachel Bertsche.

Read the rest of this entry »

Continuing our Month of Friendship series, Shasta Nelson is an expert on new friendship: Her GirlFriendCircles website and introduction service is successfully matching women friends, in real life, across the country! She’s done a lot of thinking on both the art and the science of making friends. Below, she shares why making new friends is important at any life stage. Enjoy!

by Shasta Nelson

When I moved to San Francisco, I had an amazing circle of friends spread across the country but soon realized that as much as I loved Facebook and my iPhone—I certainly didn’t want all my relationships to be limited to them. I reached a point where I wanted to make new memories with friends, rather than the reporting of life or re-living of the past that we tend to do with “those we used to be close to.”

I needed present friends. I needed local friends. I needed new friends.

Normalize New Friends

Those are hard words to say though, for some reason. We have this stigma that to admit needing friends might somehow be misinterpreted as saying “No one likes me” or “I have no friends.” It taps into all our insecurities, fears and any shame we have over any relationship that didn’t last forever.

In fact, most friendships don’t last forever. Reported in September’s MORE magazine, Sally Koslow says that “the average person now replaces half her friends every seven years.” At first I gasped when I read that, and then I nodded in recognition.

The truth is that there are multiple times in our lives when we need to expand our circle of friends! Tons of times! Whether it’s a move, a break-up/divorce, a realization that all your friends have kids/are single/moved away, a change in jobs or decision to work from home, a life-changing experience, a new hobby, a shift in life focus when our kids move out or we retire…. The list could go on-and-on! None of those reasons are a judgment against us! They are simply stages of life that remind us that while a couple of our friendships might prevail through differences, the truth is that we all need to be constantly replenishing our circle of friends to ensure it’s meaningful for who we are now.

Need New Friends

There have been numerous reports linking a circle of supportive friends to lowering stress levels, increasing happiness, prevention of diseases, faster recovery rates for healing and greater chance of reaching life goals. Add to that the reports that relationships improve your odds of survival by 50 percent, and we have a serious reminder that our friendships are not a nice-to-have, but a necessity!

The research published in July in the journal PLoS Medicine, compared low social connectedness to have the same health impact as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, to being an alcoholic, as more harmful than not exercising and twice as harmful as obesity!

I’m not a big fan of telling people how many friends they need. We’re all different, but studies seem to suggest people are happiest with somewhere between 5-10 meaningful friendships. And other reports show that half of us have less than 2 people we’d call real friends. There seems to be some discrepancy between our experience and our ideal?

Note that there is a difference between how many people you’re friendly with versus how many people you call a friend. Huge difference. It’s common to assume we have lots of friends, but when we examine it we realize we simply know a lot of friendly people through work and school. An easy test for me is to ask myself “How many people would I feel comfortable asking for a ride to the airport?” or “Who is in my life that I could text last-minute to see if they were available to hang out without it feeling weird?” Easy things—we’re not even talking about taking care of your kids when they’re sick!

Invite New Friends

Recognizing who is in our circle and acknowledging if, and when, we need to invite more meaningful friendships into our lives is part of taking care of our wellbeing. I’ll be the first to admit, it was often more tempting to call an established friend and tell her about my need to go shopping than it was to call up a potential friend to see if she wanted to go shopping. In the beginning it was less meaningful to talk to a new friend than to call someone who already knew me, but I held the truth that, like dating, I simply had to put the consistent time into my new relationships to create those bonds.
It didn’t “just happen.” Friendships don’t just show up. Fun people might. But turning them into friendships simply is an investment we have to make.
And now, every Tuesday night, I have girls’ night with the same four women in San Francisco. I know who to call for a ride to the airport and who to text for a last-minute get together!

So, now, my passion is helping foster that process for everyone else! Do it for your health & happiness!

Shasta Nelson is a life coach and founder of GirlFriendCircles.com, the only online community that matches new friends offline by connecting circles of women in local areas. She blogs weekly about women’s friendships at GirlFriendCircles.com/blog and is hosting friendship events in Chicago, San Francisco and L.A this month.

The Friendship Circle (a network of five organizations committed to celebrating the power of female friendships) is partnering in September for a Month of Friendship. Visit these Friendship Circle websites daily in September for more inspiration and information:

• The Friendship Blog – by psychologist, professor of psychiatry, and author, Dr. Irene S. Levine (The Friendship Doctor), author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving A Breakup with Your Best Friend. Follow Irene on Twitter.
• GirlfriendCelebrations – premier source of girls night ideas on the web. Founded by friends Dawn Williams Bertuca and Tina VanZant Bishop. Girlfriend Celebrations on Facebook and Twitter
• GirlFriendCircles.com - only online community that matches new friends offline by connecting circles of women in local areas, by Shasta Nelson. On Facebook and Twitter.
• Girlfriendology.com - online community for women based on inspiration, appreciation and celebration of female friendship. Created by Debba Haupert. On Facebook and Twitter.
• MWF Seeking BFF - chronicles the author’s search for a new best friend after moving to a new city for love, by Rachel Bertsche.

• Read the rest of this entry »

Guess what, girlfriends? We’ve declared September the Month of Friendship! To celebrate, this week we’re proudly featuring posts by all the bloggers in the Friendship Circle. We think you’re going to enjoy meeting them, exploring their websites and reading what they have to say about female friendship. Look for our own contribution on Friday, but for now, check out this contribution by Debba Haupert, founder of Girlfriendology.

By Debba Haupert

Admit it. We love to celebrate holidays.

Some because we get the day off work (thank you Presidents Lincoln and Washington), some out of respect (Labor Day and Memorial Day), some based on relationships like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. We show our love on Valentine’s Day, our gratitude on Thanksgiving and our history on the 4th of July. We even go so far as to recognize our passions with National Ice Cream Month and Rubber Duckie Day, our fears – National Mold Awareness Month (yikes!) and pretend everyone is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day.

We’ve got a holiday for just about everything – very event, passion, religion and quirk that we want to recognize, acknowledge, draw attention to and celebrate.

But what about celebrating the unique relationship that is known to make women healthier, happier, less stressed, live longer and even feel more beautiful? Doesn’t that warrant a special celebration? Doesn’t the combination of raised self esteem, being given the gift of laughter when you wanted to cry, having someone to call when you get bad news or just knowing you have a friend who won’t let you down deserve its own celebration?

WE think so.

WE are a group of women who are following our passion of inspiring women to connect, appreciate and celebrate female friendships. We are five writers and friendship experts who have partnered together to promote the benefits of female friendship, ideas on how to connect with and celebrate friends, insights into all aspects of friendship and general ‘girlfriend advice’ for women. We blog, speak, publish, tweet and inspire female friendship every way we can.

We are the “Friendship Circle”

We all believe that we should celebrate female friendship. So we’re partnering in September for a Month of Friendship to bring attention to the need that women have to prioritize their friendships, to provide inspiration on spending time with and celebrating those friendships, and to highlight the benefits in store for females who have strong bonds with their girlfriends.

Who are WE? We’re glad you asked!

The Friendship Blog – Produced by psychologist, professor of psychiatry, and author Dr. Irene S. Levine (The Friendship Doctor), The Friendship Blog is the only authoritative place for women on the internet to anonymously ask and receive advice about their friendship problems and dilemmas. The blog was created in 2007 and helped create the platform for Dr. Levine’s recent book, “Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend.” Find her on twitter .

GirlfriendCelebrations – The premier source of girls night ideas on the web. Founded by friends Dawn Williams Bertuca and Tina VanZant Bishop in 2005, the blog offers original ideas for girls night in, girls night out, girlfriend get-togethers and girlfriend getaways. Believing that “Girlfriends Make Life Better™,” these girlfriends take women beyond “bunco” and deliver fun and meaningful ways for female friends to stay connected. Find them on Facebook here and on Twitter and .

GirlFriendCircles.com – The only online community that matches new friends offline by connecting circles of women in local areas. In over 25 cities and growing fast, women between 21-65, are matched and introduced to each other in small groups at local cafes and wine bars to meet other women who value expanding their circle of face-to-face friends. Founder Shasta Nelson, a life coach, blogs weekly on women’s friendship issues. Find Shasta at  and on twitter

Girlfriendology.com – The online community for women based on inspiration, appreciation and celebration of female friendship. Girlfriendology offers inspiring blogs, BlogTalkRadio podcast interviews with amazing women, girlfriend gifts, online communities and more. Founded in 2006 by Debba Haupert, Girlfriendology has a large and growing social media community of 19k+ Twitter followers (& we block men!) and 7k+ female Facebook fans. Find Debba at and on twitter .

MWF Seeking BFF – written by Rachel Bertsche, MWF Seeking BFF chronicles the author’s search for a new best friend after moving to a new city for love. In her daily posts, Bertsche reveals anecdotes from her quest, shares resources for meeting new people, and wonders about modern-day friendship conundrums. MWF Seeking BFF the book will be published by Ballantine in early 2012. Find Rachel on twitter .

The Month of Friendship kicks off TODAY and will feature a cross-platform series of blog posts on each of the five participating websites. Each founder will each write a post in her particular area of expertise, with one post appearing on all five websites each day.

So girlfriend, you’re invited to join us on this fun, friend-filled month with the Friendship Circle. Follow these daily blogs, join our Facebook pages and get in the conversation about the incredible blessings and benefits of girlfriends. And, like girlfriends do, share these blogs with your girlfriends. Together we can influence women to support each other, reach out to women in need of a friend and to be the kind of girlfriend we’d love to have.

Celebrate the Month of Friendship with the Friendship Circle!

Debba Haupert  is founder of Girlfriendology.com, the online community of women based on inspiration, appreciation and celebration of female friendship. Read the rest of this entry »

Hey, girlfriends! Want to read more about making, having and keeping friends? We’re pleased to announce that GirlfriendCelebrations has joined forces with four other fabulous blogs to create The Friendship Circle, keeping our online girlfriends better informed on ALL the news that’s fit to publish about friendship. If you’re visiting us here, we think you’ll enjoy visiting them, too. Let’s take a look:

The Friendship Blog: The Friendship Doctor, Irene Levine, dispenses smart and compassionate friendship advice. As a clinical psychologist and award-winning author, she is eminently qualified!

Girlfriendology: The online community for women based on inspiration, appreciation and celebration of female friendship. Founder Debba Haupert blogs frequently and interviews inspiring women.

GirlfriendCircles: Shasta Nelson blogs about how to make friends, drawn from her experiences as the founder of GirlfriendCircles, a service that matches women up with potential friends in their cities.

MWFseekingBFF: Rachel Bertsche explores the challenges of trying to make a new friend, chronicling her friendship quest with thoughtful and thought-provoking writing.

GirlfriendCelebrations: And of course, you’ll find ideas for how to spend your girlfriend time on GirlfriendCelebrations. Since 2005, we’ve been providing original thoughts on everything from girls night in to girlfriend getaways, along with articles that help you make the most of your friendships. Read the rest of this entry »

Giveaway has ended, but enjoy the author interview! Are you happy, girlfriend? Why the heck not? Are you letting the little things get in the way? According to a new book, women tend to let their momentary mistakes overshadow  their episodes of excellence, until self-doubt shakes the foundation of even the happiest life. Unfortunately, this is the way many women think about everything—their love lives, their friendships, their bank accounts, their family life, their career, and their body image.

Lucy Danziger, editor in chief of Self, and Catherine Birndorf, a psychiatrist and expert on women’s mental health issues, teamed up to write The Nine Rooms of Happiness: Loving Yourself, Finding Your Purpose, and Getting Over Life’s Little Imperfections. (Voice; March 2, 2010; $24.99). In it, they use the simple metaphor of a house to illustrate the central problem: when women should be grateful for what they have in their lives in the room at hand, they are either seeing the room’s imperfections or, worse, worrying about another room.  The book takes women through different parts of their lives (homes), helps them understand their patterns, and gives them new ways of thinking to solve their own problems. You can find out much more about the book, the authors, and the nine rooms at www.ninerooms.com

And guess what? One whole room (chapter) is devoted to women’s friendships! So, of course, we had to find out more, because who doesn’t want to be happier? Here’s our exclusive Q&A with the authors. Scroll to the end to find out how you can win a FREE copy of the book.
Q. Let’s talk about friendship. Why is friendship The Living Room? How is it connected to the other emotional rooms?

A. The living room is where all your socializing takes place. It’s where you interact with your neighbors, your friends, where you entertain and throw parties, and where you end up comparing yourself to other women, for better or worse.

How you behave in the living room is not exactly how you behave in other emotional areas of your life…you’re typically on “good” behavior, trying to look and act your best and put forward your social self…but this doesn’t always equate with how you feel on the inside. Many women feel insecure in this social arena, and it can come from feeling like a nerd as a high-schooler (these memories are stored in the basement) or being more concerned about how you look in your jeans instead of who you are talking to (body image belongs in the bathroom).

Q. Why is female friendship so important?

A. We know from extensive research that strong social ties can make you healthier and happier. The more connected you are to your community, and the happier you are, the healthier you are. The two are connected. So keep those friendships intact, for their sake and yours!

Q. What are some of the most common problems or issues women have with friendship?

A. From the women we spoke to for our book, and we interviewed hundreds, we found that saying “no” was a major struggle. Women seem hard-wired to help, to give and to do it at their own expense. This is where our key process:  too much of a good thing is a bad thing… So the takeaway message here, or “pearl” is: you have to know your limits.

Having limits and sticking to them is essential. Women can feel selfish when they say “No, sorry, can’t help out today,” or I have to cancel because I am totally worn out, but in fact, we tell women in the book that this isn’t selfish, it’s self preservation. You simply have to take care of yourself…because only then can you be healthy and happy and giving to those around you, including being a good friend. BTW, this is why we sometimes call the living room, the “giving room”.

Q. How can we be happier in regard to friendship?

A. Many women believe that a happy friendship is one without conflict. We hear lots of women say they don’t like to disagree with their friends. They believe that really close friendships should always run smoothly. But this may be because you are smoothing over differences or issues that actually need to be discussed. If you don’t figure out how to disagree or tolerate a difference of opinion, you can end up with lots issues getting swept under the rug. And then the rug or the atmosphere in the living room becomes problematic, bumpy,  or messy, since always avoiding conflict leads to a whole new problem!

One of our favorite key processes in the book is: “It’s not Either/or, .. instead think Both/and”… which means that you can be both best friends and disagree on something. In other words, conflict is okay. (We love our siblings and often disagree with them… sometimes our gal pals become surrogate sisters, but the fights are uncomfortable because unlike the family room, where everyone has to love each other no matter what, girlfriends can choose to break up or move apart, and that often happens because there’s a breakdown in communication. You have to tell each other when you’re upset. (For friends who are different and disagree, but love each other through thick and thin, think of the great movie and TV rolls where the conflict is played out in dialogue, like in Sex and the City or Friends!) But you may have to learn to live with a little discomfort in the name of a healthier and ultimately happier friendship!

Q. What is your favorite thing to do with girlfriends?

CB: Almost anything that involves talking…especially sharing a cup of tea or taking a long walk.

LD: I talk with my best friends too, but usually it’s either while we exercise or while we eat! I do different things with different people, so it’s often their call.

Lucy Danziger has been editor-in-chief of Self magazine for over eight years. Catherine Birndorf, M.D., is a psychiatrist and the founding director of the Payne Whitney Women’s Program at New York-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center. Both women live in New York City.

And now for the giveaway

You have TWO chances to win a free copy of The Nine Rooms of Happiness, courtesy of Hyperion Voice. Read the rest of this entry »

Another girlfriend year is coming to a close, so we wanted to look back and remember some of our favorite post of 2009. We’ve had some great ones this year! In fact, narrowing the list down to 10 favorites was tough, but we selected 5 party ideas and 5 articles that we thought represented the best of GirlfriendCelebrations this year. Read on and see if you agree, and let us know in the comments. You can also VOTE for your favorite GirlfriendCelebrations party idea of 2009 in our twtpoll in the left-hand column. If you missed any of these great posts, you may want to consider subscribing to our e-newsletter. That way you’ll never miss a minute of the celebration!

Party Ideas

1. Patio Crawl Tina says: “I like this because it’s hip to host at any age. It can be held virtually anywhere from a large subdivision to a small apartment complex. If you wanted to include the opposite sex, it wouldn’t too hard to modify. What a great way to celebrate the fall season! And last but not least…I secretly really, really, really want to host one of these ~ sounds like so much fun.”

2. Welcome-to-Town Cookie Party Tina says: “I love that you can host this for girls of all ages. It’s a unique twist on the old favorite cookie exchange. It’s a fun way to get the “chore” of seeing all your close friends and extended family without traveling from house to house during the time-crunched holiday season.”
3. Karaoke Girls Night Dawn says: “Classic GirlfriendCelebrations: Fun, easy, cheap, and unique. This is a great Japan-themed girls night to warm up a winter night by bringing out your inner diva.” Read the rest of this entry »