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Frustrated? How to Keep Friendships Alive

Do you feel it’s difficult to keep friendships alive? Do you sometimes wonder what you’re doing wrong? Take heart, girlfriends! Most of us feel dissatisfied with our friendships occasionally, but you can easily get your circle back on track. Recently we counseled a frustrated reader to take action to improve her friendships. Read on to see our advice. 

Bonnie wrote to us:

“Hi. I am a frustrated mother of 3, business consultant and wife.  My frustration [is] that I have such a busy life at work and at home that I never have time for myself or for any of my girlfriends.  I do realize it and every now and then I let my girlfriends know that we should spend time together, etc.  I get very little response and if I get a response, I never get any help from them in actually trying to arrange something.  What am I doing wrong?  Why do I always have to be the one to try to cherish our relationships?  I can’t remember the last time I had lunch or went out with one of my girlfriends…As if they don’t want me around anymore or I just don’t know what to think. What do I do???  I really want to keep my girlfriends, but how do I get their attention!!!???? Thanks!!!”

Bonnie’s letter is a perfect illustration of why we started Trying to keep girlfriend relationships alive can be frustrating. But as we wrote back to Bonnie, the demands of home and work never go away, so it’s up to us to decide that we’re going to make time for our girlfriends. We answered, “Why aren’t your girlfriends responding to you? In our experience, it’s probably not about you. They are equally busy and haven’t given themselves permission to make girlfriend time a priority. We think there are a couple of things you can do to turn this situation around. 

  • Be specific. Instead of suggesting that you need more time together, make a specific plan. Invite your girlfriends to a specific time and place so they have to respond. When you are busy and stressed, it’s much easier to say yes to “spa party at my place, Thursday night at 7″ than “we really should get together sometime.” You can get some simple party ideas at our site, or just invite the girls to a favorite restaurant on a specific date. 
  • Calendar more dates. Tell your friends to bring their calendars to your get-together. Then schedule future dates before everyone goes home. Once a month or once every two months works well for most girlfriend groups. See if you can get each girlfriend to be responsible for organizing one date in the coming year. Feel free to direct them to for get-together theme ideas, or to share our philosophy on the importance of girlfriends!

You will have to put yourself ‘out there’ a little bit to get this done. But if you truly love your girlfriends, it will be worth it. If you’re not sure they are worth it, or they don’t respond to your efforts, then it might be time to make new friends. That’s okay too–everyone goes through this once in awhile. See our article Growing New Girlfriends for some inspiration. We truly believe that once you let the world know that female friendship is important to you–and start doing something about it–you’ll be rewarded with fun and meaningful girlfriend connections.” 

That’s our take on it, girlfriends. What about you? Do you have any secrets for keeping friendships alive? Share your tips, comments, ideas or advice below. 


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  1. testing the comments form

    Comment by Dawn — August 4, 2008 @ 1:07 pm

  2. [...] Frustrated? How to Keep Friendships Alive [...]

    Pingback by More Evidence: Girlfriends for Longer Life! | Girlfriend Celebrations — March 15, 2009 @ 3:32 pm

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