February is the month of self-love… We all know that loving ourselves is something we should do… we all know that you have to love yourself first before you can love another… we would all love to take care of ourselves better but find it more of a dream than a reality. This month at Girtalk… Taking it Deeper™ we take a stand for self-love, because it is not a luxury, it is a must-have. Chief Girltalker Christine Arylo feels so strongly about self-love, she created this video to inspire you. Enjoy!

To download a printable PDF of this month’s discussion guide, click here. To learn more about starting your own Girltalk group (it’s totally free and you’ll receive the discussion guide each month), click here.

Be Real. While it is true that women and girls have more equality and self-esteem than ever before, something isn’t changing. We believe that something is self-love… while self-esteem is something we want every woman and girl to have, knowing that you can do anything doesn’t stop women and girls from beating themselves up, putting themselves into abusive relationships or hating and destroying their bodies.

Today, in the 21st century, these are the facts:

• 1 in 3 women will be in an abusive relationship before the age of 20. 80% will return.
• 1 in 3 women will be sexually abused.
• 4 of 5 girls will think about dieting before 4th grade.
• Almost 1 out of 2 women will suffer through a divorce. 20% in the first 5 years of marriage.
• 80% of women are so exhausted that they are headed for extreme adrenal gland fatigue.
• Women surveyed today are no happier than women surveyed in 1970, even though they have more equality, self esteem and freedom.

If you ever believed that self-love was a luxury, think again. The repercussions of not having it, and worse—not teaching it to our daughters—are serious.  Today, while many people do understand the power of self-love because they have experienced its life-changing effects, self-love still elicits definitions like narcissism, conceit, vanity, selfishness and others we won’t mention here. In a world where so many girls and women experience unnecessary suffering, not using the power of self-love will simply not do.

Be Wise. “Taking care of myself” may sound like a luxury in today’s economy and world problems, and a fantasy when we look at everything we must get done in a day.

But when you consider that 80% of women are so overwhelmed, overworked and over stretched that they are causing serious damage to their adrenal and autoimmune systems, that 1 in 4 will develop heart disease, and that 50% will suffer through a divorce, taking care of you is life-critical. Ask any woman who has gone through an illness or a major breakup and she’ll tell you:

If you don’t take care of you, you won’t be able to take care of any of the people or things that you love, and the world, and you, will be worse off because of it.

With lives that are busier than ever, where you already feel like you can’t give 100% to anything… just how are you supposed to find the time to take care of yourself too? Ahh… that is the wrong question! While you can’t create more time, there are after all only 24 hours in a day, you do have options!

By changing your beliefs and learning a new way of doing – the feminine way – and marrying it with your already developed masculine ways, you can create the space you need to achieve and accomplish all you need to do in a day, and take care of what you love, and yourself.

The OLD beliefs of the 20th century lead to hard work, exhaustion and overwhelm.

True or False?

• The more I do, the more I will accomplish – FALSE
• I have to be the one to take care of it all or it won’t get done – FALSE
• When I reach a certain level of financial success, job stability, relationship status and material possessions, I’ll be happy – FALSE
• I can have everything at the same time if I just work harder – FALSE
• I can make a difference, live my dreams, and take care of what I love only if I take care of myself first – TRUE!

The women today who have true success and happiness on all levels – emotional, mental, physical, spiritual – in all areas – career, family, life partner, friendships, health, financial and community – know and fully utilize their feminine super powers, they understand their masculine manpowers and they use them together to create sustainable lives and real happiness and success, in which they can both give and receive.

Be You.

This month at Girltalk… Taking it Deeper™ I dare us all to make this the year we actually do take care of ourselves as well as everything we love… and that we do it without exhausting ourselves.  My dare is for everyone of us to take a 40-day self love practice on, one that brings us closer to truly taking care of ourselves. Here is the 40-day self-love practice I started in early January, and I’ve been learning lots!

Why 40-days? The yogis, brain scientists and metaphysicians agree that if you can do anything for 40-days continuously, you can break old patterns and change your life. I am currently doing a 40-day self-love practice on Madly in Love with ME Factor #4 and blogging her progress day-by-day, inviting other women to join her with their own 40-day practice.

Self Love Practice: Everyday when you wake up in the morning, before you get out of bed, ask yourself, ‘What do I need to do to take care of myself today?” Stop. Listen. Whatever that thing is, schedule it and make sure it happens. If it means not starting work til noon, do it and watch what happens. One of the things this practice will teach you is that you can let go, create space and not be always so busy, and actually do more – because the universe will help. This practice will help you build trust that there is a bigger energy out there taking care of things for you, making it easier, when you plug in.

THIS MONTH’s ADVENTURE: Are You A Madly in Love Woman?

Step One

Do your own reflection. Take this adventure on your own, before getting together w/ your girlfriends.

Your Mission:

Find your self love strengths, and weaknesses.

The idea of self-love sounds great, but it feels too intangible and vast to really attain. By measuring your current reality against these self-love milestones, which I call the Madly in Love with ME Factors, any woman can determine where she needs more self-love, and where she is already doing a great job.

The Madly in Love with ME Factors

Factor #1:  I know who I am and what I want from this life. This is the first factor to loving yourself, because if you don’t know who you are, how can you love that person? Most of us go through life doing what we think we are supposed to do and be, influenced by the society in which we grew up. These experiences and people form our beliefs, attitudes, and perceptions, until the day we realize that how we really feel and think is different than everyone around us. While you will continue to learn about yourself forever, self-love requires that a. You make a choice to continue to learn about you everyday, b. You know and can articulate at least these four things about yourself: your dreams, gifts, values and beliefs. c. You know who you are NOT, as well as who you are.

Factor #2: I love my cellulite. Look, it’s there, and no matter how much cream you lather on your legs, you’re still going to have cellulite. It’s part of you, and you can either love it or hate it. Here’s my personal experience, “When I was hating my cellulite, it grew and got more noticeable. Every time I sat down wearing shorts it screamed at me, ‘Here I am! Look at me!’ After being tortured by it for years, I did a practice of loving my cellulite. Every day, I told it, “I love you.” I meditated daily, visualizing my cellulite pockets being filled up with love. And today, I can’t tell you if I has any less of it, but I do know that I very rarely notices it. And when I do, while I may still not like my cellulite, I can love it. Its appearance now motivates me to walk a little more and get more exercise, instead of hating my body for having it.

Factor #3: All of my relationships support me to be my best me and to live the life I want, or I don’t have them. This can be one of the hardest milestones, because it means putting a big stake in the ground for yourself. It requires honoring yourself SO much that you only have relationships in your life – friendships, romantic partners, even relatives – that give respect, trust, unconditional love and truth. You love and honor yourself so deeply that all relationships in your life make your life better, help you reach your dreams and be a better you. This doesn’t mean that the relationships are perfect, void of difficulty, or that you are absolved of giving the same respect you desire. What it does require is that you choose me before we in every relationship… let go of ones that don’t serve you, change ones that have the potential to grow, and open up to let new ones come in.

Factor #4:  I can and do take care of me without the guilt or burden. It’s like women have a DNA pattern that says take care of everyone else before you take care of you, and if we try to buck that pattern by actually taking care of ourselves, we can’t help but feel guilty or like we should be doing something more productive. This self-love milestone means being able to say, “Yes… I take care of myself first, before work, family and responsibilities… I take care of me without feeling guilty or like I should be doing something else… I can meditate, relax, or take a walk and see it as productive time vs wasting time. I take days (not just one day) for ME without being prodded by my friends or partner, and I don’t feel one ounce of guilt about it.

Step TWO:  Throw a Girltalk… taking it deeper Event with Your Girlfriends

Use our super dooper fun conversation technology – Be Real. Be Wise. Be You. – guaranteed to get you closer to yourself and your girlfriends. To get the skinny on how to start a Girltalk group, and how to facilitate a fabu Girltalk gathering, download the Girtalk… taking it deeper™ Getting Started Guide here.

GET CONNECTED (opening):  SHOW & TELL

Your goal here is to have each woman ‘check in’ on her personal experiment as a way to get the group connected, it’s a great primer for great girltalk!

• Each woman says her name and then answers this question: “What I love most about me is…”
• Even if they didn’t do the experiment they should be able to answer. If some women brought a visual of their experiment, let them know they can show it now or whenever they want throughout the night.
• Go around the room until everyone has spoken. This will get you all connected enough to the conversation topic that you’ll be ready to Get Real!

BE REAL.

The goal? Get the truth on the table. Say what needs to be said, but too often isn’t. Use these questions to get the conversation started, or to change gears as the girltalk grows. Use all of them, use some of them, whatever works to get the conversation real. Ask women to think about what they learned through their personal experiment as fodder for the conversation.

• What do you think self-love really is?
• What does taking care of yourself really mean?
• Why do women find it so hard to take care of themselves? And how do we do it to ourselves, causing our own stress and overwhelm?
• What’s the biggest lie we tell ourselves about taking care of ourselves?
• What does that lie give us? What does It cost us? And what is the truth?

BE WISE

Now it’s time to bring the wisdom forward so that you can start bringing forward thoughts and ideas that are going to help and inspire you to create the life you really want.

• When you look at each of the four Madly in Love with ME Factors, what is the reality of our lives when they aren’t present? When they are present?
• What is one thing any woman can do in any of these four areas to love herself more?
• What truth and wisdom do we not get until we are older that we could tell our daughters now so they could avoid some of the pain?
• What can we do to make our lives more sustainable? What do we need to stop doing? And what do we need to start doing?

BE YOU. The DARE.

Now it’s time to take action, to do something out of your comfort zone that has the potential to make real shift in your life. And like a dare, it has to push your edges.

• Do a 40-day self love practice. Pick any of the 4 Madly in Love with ME Factors and create a 40-day self love practice that you do everyday.

To get more information on Madly in Love with ME go to http://www.madlyinlovewithme.com

Have a great time Girltalking and inspiring each other to love yourselves more!

With big heart,

Christine Arylo

Chief Girltalker

To learn more about Christine Arylo, creator of Girltalk… taking it deeper, inspirational catalyst and self love expert, visit her at www.daretoliveyou.com, a virtual cornucopia of self-love inspiration created just for you.

JOIN the international self-love movement, MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME & download her free Madly in Love with ME Guide, full of daring and practical tips on how to fall more in love with you everyday, at www.MadlyinLoveWithMe.com.